Yesterday, while driving past the Valero Texas Open
- Me: Look, that blimp is up there again.
- Ali: Yeah. Cool.
- Me: It looks like it's going down!
- Ali: Will you please concentrate on driving?
- Me: I am! But the blimp!
- Ali: It's a blimp. You are amazed by the stupidest things.
- Me: It's a big of gas that flies through the air. It IS amazing!
- Ali: I just had gluten/dairy free ice cream
- Me: No, you had air and lies.
- Ali: When you pick me up tonight after work for dinner you make sure you shave your face and put a hat on that shaggy hair.
- Me: I can wear a hat!?
- Ali: Yes, but not a baseball cap. You're not 5 years old, you look like an asshole.
Just had a package delivered to my house...
- Delivery guy: I had a feeling you'd be home.
- Me: Always.
- Delivery guy: You work from home?
- Me: Yeah, it's not so bad.
- Delivery guy: Yeah, I used to do that too, until I got fired. Now I deliver packages for Amazon for $4 an hour.
- Me: Uh... Do you need a signature?
I challenge her everyday to try and argue with my logic.
- Me: I bought a remote control helicopter.
- Ali: Oh. That was something you just needed, huh?
- Me: Well, you're going to buy a new dining room table...
- Ali: We NEED a dining room table.
- Me: No. We HAVE a dining room table. We DON'T have a remote control helicopter.
I’m sorry, I plugged your iPhone in because it was dead. So now you’ll need to read a magazine while you poop just like our parents did.
— A real thing that was said in our house tonight.
- Ali: Do you want to talk about paint colors for our new house?!
- Me: *puts imaginary gun in my mouth, pulls the trigger, simulates blood spewing out the back of my neck* Sure!
I don't drink coffee
- Ali: We need to register for a Kuerig, because now they have the Dunkin' Donuts individuals for the machine and then you don't have to brew a whole pot in the morning!
- Me: Then can I register for something that is of absolutely no use to you?
- Me: Let's watch 'Harry and the Hendersons'.
- Ali: No, I don't like that movie.
- Me: You have no taste in movies.
- Ali: I just don't want to watch it, okay?
- Me: I just want you to watch me watch it.
Ali: I’m looking for feather clip thing for my hair for the wedding, but I can’t find anything I like.
Me: Sorry, babe.
Ali: Yeah, I’ll just have to make something, but I can’t find any feathers I like online.
Me: Do we need to go to Feathers, Feathers Feathers downtown?
